Lately, a friend of my friend has been asking me a lot of questions about my heart. I did not understand why she considered that important until she reminded me that God looks at our hearts when we speak. That words and actions alone are not enough. That got me thinking about how people always talk about secrets of the heart and even got me wondering what secrets my heart holds.
After careful thinking and consideration, I have learned that I still have a lot of pain and sadness from losing my parents ages ago. It has been 19 years since I lost my mom and 12 years since I lost my dad and I was so sure that I was completely over losing them. I used to believe that time heals all wounds, therefore by now, I should not have any feelings of sadness or of grief. I even considered myself an expert on grief but clearly I did not know anything about it!
I always avoid family gatherings and family holidays. Until I learned the truth about what was in my heart, I thought that I only avoided family gatherings only because I do not like big crowds. I have been avoiding family gatherings because they reminded me of what I did not have. The longing to celebrate with my own parents and just the wonder of how things could have turned out if they were still here.
A lot of things started to make sense from then on. I realized why I did not celebrate big events in my life like my 21st birthday and my first graduation. At that time, it was a reminder that the people that mattered the most to me were not there. I sometimes wonder who would walk me down the aisle on my wedding day and whether our kids would get a chance to experience the warmth of having grandparents. It is weird that such a small thing can affect a lot of important decisions one makes.
So, my questions to you is; What is hidden in your heart? Is that thing stealing your joy and your peace? Is it hindering you from growing and flourishing? Get to know your heart and deal with past hurts so that you can move forward in your life with freedom for pain, past hurts or anything that is preventing you from living your life to the full. Now that I have discovered what has been pulling me back, it is time for me to deal with it and move on. It is not going to be easy but I know that prayer always works.
People say that time heals all wounds, but I believe that God heals and restores all broken hearts.